if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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