I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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