I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
