my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
