there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
