we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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