I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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