I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize