I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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