so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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