I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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