Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
