so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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