Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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