We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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