WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
