did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
