I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize