i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
