yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
