when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
