So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just invented taco cereal.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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