end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When did angry sex become our thing?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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