A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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