Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
wow bdsm is so cute
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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