trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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