tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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