Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
