so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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