he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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