I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
zippers are such a cool invention
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
