Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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