I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
