dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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