I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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