We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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