tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
