So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm at about main and main street
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
