everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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