Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
