I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
