i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
