That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Enjoy the penises
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
