Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
