whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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