That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
