Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
