That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
