Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Everyone says I win the strip club
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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