On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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