why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize