he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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