He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
