hell yes lets make some ravioli
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
