I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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