she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
