Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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