All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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