Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
