does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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