Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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