My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
