I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
