hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
