i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
