The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
