My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
