Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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