When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
