im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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