we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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