yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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