they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
