did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
