her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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