and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
