when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
